a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
