she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My feet surprised me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
