your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
