She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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