I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.