things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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