Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
