she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
