Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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