Whoa Z and x make the same sound
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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