your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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