If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
