We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
