More tranny stories later!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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