i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm like, not good at living.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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