Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
