I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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