I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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