So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
