guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm at about main and main street
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I believe in your delicious
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
