You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
