Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
