my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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