Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
