Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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