Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
