I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need to sanitize my soul.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
