I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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