Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
