The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
