I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your penis caused this!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
