sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
