Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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