Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
