What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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