Having a random hookup so left but love u
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
