Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
