UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
