Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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