Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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