Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
