Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize