Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
