If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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