how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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