just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
