I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
