ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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