Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
