im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
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