Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
