After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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