Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
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just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
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I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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