i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
