I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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