just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
