Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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