i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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