just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
