Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
