there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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