apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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