We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
