using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
