I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
