Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
