That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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