he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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