My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
