i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
