fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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