wanna go halves on a baby?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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