i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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