if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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