'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
