I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
