erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
