I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
