Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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