so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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